Tag: Grief and Loss

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Grief Loss

How to Handle the Loss When a Loved One Dies of COVID-19

votive memorial candles

It finally feels like there’s some hope when it comes to seeing the end of this pandemic. But COVID-19 isn’t over yet. Even when it is, it’s impossible to ignore the destruction and devastation it has caused. 

People will feel the effects of this pandemic for years to come. It has taken a toll on mental health; it has changed the healthcare industry, and even the way people work. 

But, for some, COVID hit on a more personal level. 

Over 500,000 people in the United States have died due to COVID-19. While those individuals might be just another number to add to a statistic for some, when they are a loved one of yours, it’s different. 

So, how can you handle the loss when someone you care about dies of this virus?  

COVID-19 and Accepting Your Feelings

One of the worst parts about losing someone to the pandemic is that it was probably sudden and unexpected. An unexpected loss can feel so much worse, so people tend to handle them in different ways. 

However you choose to feel is completely up to you. Accepting your feelings and knowing that they are valid is the first step to grieving properly. Chances are your grief will begin with very intense emotions. You may be in denial, or angry, or you might immediately try to care for others.  

It’s easy to get “derailed” in your own thoughts and feelings, too. That’s become a common problem with COVID-19 deaths. You might start thinking about why it had to happen, and what could have been done to prevent it.

While those feelings are just as valid, try not to get caught up in the “what ifs”, as they can hold up the natural grieving process.  

Focus On What You Can Control

When you lose someone you love, it can also feel as if you’re losing control. You might become fixated on the things that are completely out of your grasp, which only serves to fuel frustration and hurt. 

Instead, use this time to focus on the things you can control. They might be small, everyday things, like choosing to take care of your physical health, or finding time to be mindful each day. Small choices can make a big difference.

The more you shift your thinking to things you can control, the stronger you’ll become, and the easier it will be to rise up to life’s challenges. 

COVID-19 and Getting Rid of Guilt

There are plenty of thoughts and emotions that will try to derail your grieving process. Guilt tends to be a big one, especially in dealing with an unexpected death. It can overwhelm you, especially when you wonder why you’re healthy and strong and someone you love had to die because of this disease. 

Survivor’s guilt is natural. But keeping an eye on it and making sure it doesn’t consume you is important. Eventually, you need to focus on experiencing joy and contentment in your life again. It’s okay if that takes a while, but don’t hold yourself back from positive experiences and moments of moving forward just because you feel guilty. 

The grief of losing someone to COVID can be different from the experience of a traditional loss. If you’re struggling to cope, feel free to contact me. This is a unique period of life, and with so many unexpected deaths due to this illness, it’s okay to feel overwhelmed.

Together, we can work on more ways to handle the loss effectively and in healthy ways that will allow you to grieve on your own timeline, with a focus on eventually moving forward in life. 

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Uncategorized

How Loved Ones Can Celebrate “Long-Term Care Awareness” Month

Long-term Care Awareness Month takes place every November. It’s a way to bring attention to the 70% of men and women over the age of 65 that will need some type of long-term care.

Now, more than ever, recognizing this month is vital. In light of the COVID-19 pandemic, long-term care has looked different this year. People have been kept from their loved ones. Isolation has increased, and worries about the mental health effects of the virus are on the rise.

So, what can you do to celebrate Long-Term Care Awareness Month, and how can you pay more attention to the people you know who might be receiving this kind of care?

Sharing the Awareness

One of the easiest ways to celebrate the month is to share information about it as often as possible. By using the hashtag #LongtermCareAwarenessMonth on social media, you’ll grab the attention of your followers. You can then provide essential and educational information that can bring some of the factors of long-term care to light.

Those factors might include how many people need long-term care and the reasons why. They should also include how long-term care can be incredibly costly and that insurance doesn’t always cover the cost of everything people need.

That is one of the biggest reasons why this month started in the first place. Because there is such a need for long-term care in this country, many people believe there should be financial assistance for those who can’t afford such care.

Making a Plan for Yourself

Another way you can celebrate Long-Term Care Awareness Month is by making yourself more aware.

That might sound strange at first, but have you ever thought about what might happen if you need some care in the future?

Will you be able to afford it? Will you have to leave your home or stay with a family member?

No matter how old you are, it’s never a bad time to make a plan for yourself and your future. Doing so now will help you to feel more financially and emotionally-prepared, no matter what happens. Talk to your family about your plan and make sure they’re on board with what you plan to do if the need arises.

Preparing yourself is a great way to lessen the burden for yourself and those around you in the future. Everyone will know what you want and expect, and there will be no confusion when it comes to meeting your needs.

Talking to Your Loved Ones

With the holidays quickly approaching, now is the perfect time to discuss long-term care options with anyone in your family who might be needing it in the future. It’s not easy to talk about, but it can be necessary to avoid issues down the road.

Talking about long-term care with your loved ones is crucial if someone has an underlying condition or has been diagnosed with an illness. In these cases, something like counseling for cancer patients and their loved ones can be beneficial. Getting to the root of your feelings and emotions is an excellent place to start before you jump into the discussion about long-term care.

So, don’t be afraid to bring awareness to the people in long-term care, the heroes that work in that industry, and the expense that it can bring to families all over the country. The more attention this topic gets, the more positive changes can happen in the future.

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If you want to learn more about long-term care or how to cope with a loved one who might need it, feel free to contact me for more information or visit my page about Counseling for Cancer Patients and Their Loved Ones.

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Anticipatory Grief: Facing Loss and the Unknown During COVID-19

COVID-19 has impacted almost everyone in some way. Maybe you know someone who contracted the virus. Perhaps you had to file for unemployment. Or it could be that you’ve been impacted in other ways by having to deal with some other losses throughout this pandemic.

While people have had different experiences throughout COVID-19, most of us can agree that these are uncertain times.

That uncertainty can cause a fear of the unknown. Because there are still so many unknown factors about this virus and what will happen in the future, it can lead to something called anticipatory grief.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Unlike the grief you might experience after the loss of a loved one, anticipatory grief occurs before a significant loss.

How can you grieve something you haven’t lost yet? First, it’s important to note that this type of grief covers a variety of losses. Maybe you feel you’re going to lose your job soon. Perhaps your pet is getting old, and you’re already grieving their death even though it hasn’t happened.

When it comes to COVID-19, anticipatory grief can occur if you know someone who is sick or is at a higher risk of getting sick. It can also happen if you’re worried you might lose your job. Or, if this pandemic will impact your relationships and you’ll lose friends or your partner.

Anticipatory grief impacts people differently. For some, it can be even worse and harder to deal with than the actual loss when it happens.

Does It Make the Grieving Process Easier?

Grief is unique to each person. Because of that, it’s impossible to say whether anticipatory grief shortens the grieving time or allows the process to be “easier.” However, it does provide an opportunity to experience closure before an actual loss occurs. That can make acceptance an easier target to reach.

For example, if you know someone with COVID-19, anticipatory grief might move you to settle your differences, or tell them how you feel. It might be a turning point for your relationship. If that person takes a turn for the worse, anticipatory grief allows you to find that closure if they pass from the illness.

What Are the Symptoms?

The symptoms of anticipatory grief are often very similar to others throughout the grieving process. Some of the most common signs include:

  • Fear
  • Loneliness
  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Irritability
  • The desire to open up to someone
  • Guilt

You might also find yourself visualizing the loss before it happens. If you’re worried about losing a loved one to COVID-19, anticipatory fear might make you think about it. Unfortunately, that often adds to the fear and anxiety you might already be feeling about that person and a possible loss.

How to Deal With Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is often a natural part of the general grieving process. But, if it starts to hinder your life or becomes debilitating, you might need to seek out support or treatment to get through it.

 

Don’t be afraid to share your feelings during your anticipatory grief. Turn to people you love and trust and express yourself. Just talking about it can help you feel better and guide you through the stages of grief healthily.

If you’re struggling with grief or a loss, feel free to contact me. Counseling for loss is one of the most effective ways to get through the grieving process, even if you’re just worried about what’s ahead.

The desire to talk to someone and open up is one of the most common symptoms of anticipatory grief. You can find comfort and peace of mind when talking about where you are in the grieving process, and counseling is a great way to do that. Please reach out to me today — I want to help.

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Grief

Ben Carrettin – Loss and Grief Counseling

 

Has a Recent Death in the Family or the Decline in a Loved One’s Health Left You with Feelings of Emptiness, Grief or Despair?

Have you recently lost someone you love to an illness or accident? Has this sudden separation left a void in your life, and you’re struggling to feel whole again? Perhaps a loved one has taken his or her life and you are trying to deal with feelings of guilt and depression as a survivor of suicide. Has a loved one’s absence either through illness or death created a hole that you cannot or do not want to fill? Is there a stillness in your life that keeps you awake, tossing and turning at night? Perhaps you are caring for someone whose health is slipping away everyday, and you are struggling to balance hope with the reality of impermanence. Do you wish you could feel like you were standing on solid ground again, seeing the world as it is, and not through the veil of grief and loss?

Loss floods us with emotions of fear, guilt, anger, grief and despair. Suddenly the person who you thought would always be there is gone, yet reminders of him or her are everywhere you look. The house feels a lot bigger than it once did, and an incredible stillness and silence lingers uninterrupted in every room. You might see the world without color, in shades of gray. Food has no flavor. Pleasure has no appeal. The sun shines and you can’t see it. The rain falls and you can’t feel it. You might feel trapped in quicksand, and every effort to escape only drags you deeper down. You wait for time to heal all, but it doesn’t, and everyday becomes more difficult, confusing and meaningless than the last. There is a gaping wound in your soul that you either can’t close or do not want to heal. And while you want to feel whole again, the physical emptiness left by your loss has been replaced with a greater, existential emptiness.

Grief and Loss Affects Almost Everyone at Some Point in Their Lives

Grief is one of the most common emotions humans feel. At some point in life, we all experience feelings of emptiness, loneliness and even abandonment as a result of a loved one’s death. But, feelings of grief and loss can also be a result of a dramatic social change. Leaving everyone you love to move to a new city or country, having a spouse abandon the family or losing your home and possessions to a fire or natural disaster can cause significant emotional trauma. While grieving is a natural and healthy part of the healing process, many people can begin to experience symptoms of depression, anxiety and trauma. The fear of the new unknown, the stress of facing the world alone or the sheer sadness caused by of a loved one’s absence can erode your strength and perseverance and even adversely affect your health. The good news is that grief is a natural part of life, and there is help and hope. With the support and guidance of a compassionate and understanding therapist, you can work through your loss and resolve feelings of confusion, grief and even anger.

Grief Counseling and Emotional Trauma Therapy Can Help You Find Strength and Wholeness Again

The sudden absence of a family member, friend or significant other can elicit extreme grief, fear, depression, anxiety, apathy and even anger and resentment. Despite our knowledge of our own mortality, actually witnessing the decline of life and death can be a world-shaking experience, especially when someone is ripped out of our lives. Fortunately, grieving is a normal and healthy healing mechanism. And, in warm, safe and confidential grief therapy sessions, I can help you sort through challenging emotions and regain a sense of normalcy and wholeness again.

I believe in inclusivity, and will meet you where you are regardless of religion, spiritual practice, sexual orientation, culture or political position. In a comfortable and safe, living room-style environment, we can explore the thoughts, feelings and problems that are burdening you daily. By addressing your loss directly, I can help you regain a sense of clarity and help you develop ways to re-engage and reconnect with life. Through a combination of conversational techniques and a mindfulness approach, I can help you confront your grief, manage your loss and renew your engagement in the present moment.

I have been providing grief and loss counseling as a standard part of my practice since I began helping people with cancer and medical trauma in 1992. I understand the devastating impact that loss can have on individuals and families. But, I also know that there is help, healing and hope. With a kind, conversational and mindfully guided approach, I can help you process your loss and regain your sense of self and wholeness.

You Still May Have Questions or Concerns About Grief Counseling…

I’m afraid of the emotions I might encounter if I talk about my loved one’s absence.

Confronting death can be a terribly frightening ordeal that requires incredible courage and strength. Whether watching someone slowly decline in health or having a loved one pass suddenly, the emotions we experience can be so overwhelming that we want to avoid thinking about them. But, avoidance can create other problems. Despair, depression, anxiety and apathy can cause you to withdrawal from those still around you, slowly eroding at the wonderful life you still have. By gently confronting your vulnerabilities and exploring your emotions, I can help gain clarity and confidence about the future.

If therapy is successful, am I erasing the person I lost from my life?

Grief therapy will never erase someone from your life. Loss is like a deep scar. It heals and it even fades, but it never goes away. It lives with us as a reminder of the past. Even though it is always there, eventually the pain of the wound subsides, and even the sight of the scar fades. Grief and emotional trauma therapy can help you to understand the difference between forgetting someone and letting him or her go. In our sessions I can help you move forward with your own life while acknowledging and celebrating the precious one you lost.

I don’t need counseling; I should be able to work through this on my own.

Loss is one of the many powerful things that make us equal. And, it takes strength and resilience to face death or loss. Just by seeking grief counseling you are already taking the first bold step toward healing yourself. Seeking help is a sign of not being broken or weak. Rather, it truly is a sign of strength. With grief and loss counseling I can help you empower yourself, and find strength, hope and peace in the present moment.

You Can Find Purpose, Healing and Wholeness in the Midst of Sorrow…

You don’t have to work through these difficult times alone. I invite you to call me for a free 15-minute consultation at (346)-493-6181. I would be happy to talk through any questions you have about my practice or grief and loss counseling.

 

Ben Carrettin is a Nationally Board Certified Counselor (NCC), Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor (LPC-S) and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC). He is the owner of Practice Improvement Resources, LLC; a private business which offers an array of specialized counseling, evidenced-based clinical consultation, Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM) and targeted ESI-based services to individuals and businesses.